Why stay single

Consequently, men would be more likely than women to stay single in order to be free to engage in casual relationships. Women, in contrast, allocate more resources to their offspring, and are thus, the scarce reproductive resource which men seek access to Trivers, Accordingly, women have evolved to be choosier than men Buss and Schmitt, , , and their higher level of choosiness may prevent them from being involved in a relationship.

Thus, we expect that men will be more likely than women to prefer singlehood in order to be able to have casual sex with different partners. On the other hand, women, as opposed to men, are expected to be more likely to be single because they have not found the right partner. Allocating resources in order to increase social status and resource generating capacity, which are required for successful participation in the mating market, is an evolutionary problem that typically younger individuals are faced with.

As such, younger people are more likely than older ones to be single in order to advance their studies or careers. In addition, younger people are more likely than older ones to stay single in order to refine their flirting skills. Furthermore, older people are more susceptible than younger ones to illnesses and might have offspring that they need to care for.

Accordingly, older individuals are more likely than younger ones to face constraints that prevent them from participating effectively in the mating market. In sum, the reasons for singlehood are expected to vary between sexes and between age groups.

To summarize, three main reasons have been proposed to explain why individuals who are single are single: 1 because under certain circumstances being single can increase fitness; 2 because of the evolutionary mismatch between ancestral and modern conditions; and 3 because of different constraints, some people may be less effective in participating in the mating market.

Apostolou has also found that men were more likely than women to indicate that they were single in order to be free to flirt around and to do what they have wanted, and because they did not like commitment. On the other hand, women were more likely than men to indicate that they were single because they have had bad experiences from previous relationships, and that they were afraid of change Apostolou, Furthermore, it was also reported that older people were more likely to indicate that they were single because they have had bad experiences from previous relationships, and that they have had issues such as poor health that has kept them back; whereas younger people were more likely to indicate that they were single in order to flirt around, and because they had different life-priorities Apostolou, However, one major issue with that study, which the current study is designed to address, is that it asked participants for reasons, which they believed could drive them to be single and not the actual reasons why single people were single — in fact, most of the participants in the sample were either married or were in a relationship — an issue that raises important questions of validity.

Although Apostolou has attempted to produce a list of such reasons using qualitative research methods, subsequent qualitative research has indicated that the list was not comprehensive enough and that it did not include several important reasons for singlehood Apostolou, Although one other qualitative study has also examined 13, responses from a Reddit thread asking members for the reasons men were single Apostolou, , the responses were mainly analyzed conceptually because the qualitative nature of the data did not allow any quantitative statistical analysis to be performed.

To our knowledge, these are the only two empirical papers to date, which have attempted to examine the reasons for singlehood, and findings from both have been constrained by important limitations. The current study attempts to contribute to the literature by addressing these limitations and expanding on these research efforts. Accordingly, the current study, through the adoption of findings from previous research, aims to construct a more comprehensive list that would enable us to perform a more accurate taxonomy of the reasons for singlehood and to assess their relative importance.

People who do not have a partner could be broadly divided into those who are between relationships, those who are single because they wish to be so, and those who are single because they face difficulties in attracting a partner Apostolou et al. Our study aimed to examine the reasons which led to singlehood across singles and not in specific categories of singlehood. Accordingly, we did not differentiate between singles, and we included in our sample all participants who did not have a partner.

Taken together, we asked single people to rate a comprehensive list of reasons as to why they were single. Our theoretical framework makes specific predictions about the different reasons for singlehood. Specifically, we predict that these reasons would cluster in several domains, with one reflecting the fitness benefits for being single, another reflecting the mismatch problem, and another which highlights the kinds of constraints people have been under.

Nonetheless, given the complexity of the phenomenon and the plethora of proposed reasons, our study is largely explorative and so factors and domains not predicted by our theoretical framework are likely to be relevant as well. We will examine the relevance of these reasons with people who are single, and we will conduct a principal components analysis in order to assess the importance of the identified factors in this sample.

Subsequently, we will also examine the ways in which these factors are influenced by sex and age. Following the ethical approval by a psychology department of a United Kingdom university ethics approval code: , participants were recruited using a hired agent via the online Amazon Mechanical Turk platform MTurk 1.

Informed consent was obtained by all participants. Participants were provided with a nominal financial payment for their involvement. In total, individuals took part in the study initially. Eight of them did not complete the study and so were excluded from the final analyses. One male participant did not report his age properly and so was not included in the calculations for the mean age for males or in the factor analyses assessing age differences.

The final sample of participants females, males , excluding this participant, has a mean age of The study was conducted online and consisted of two sections. Participants were asked to rate several reasons for their singlehood in the initial section, using a five-point Likert scale 1 — Strongly disagree, 5 — Strongly agree.

The order of presentation was randomized across participants. In the second part, demographic characteristics were collected sex, age, and marital status.

In order to measure the reasons why people were single, we employed an extended version of the instrument developed by previous research Apostolou, The original instrument consisted of 76 reasons, which were identified by using a combination of qualitative and quantitative research methods.

We have also added 16 additional reasons, which have been identified by a recent study Apostolou, , giving us a total of 92 reasons, listed in Table 1. Table 1. Classification of the reasons for staying single in factors and domains. We began our analysis by attempting to classify the 92 reasons into broader factors. For this purpose, we employed a principal components analysis using the direct oblimin as the rotation method. The internal consistency of these factors alpha ranged from 0. In order to classify these factors into broader domains, a second-order principal components analysis was performed.

In particular, 18 new variables were created, which reflected the mean of each extracted factor. Subsequently, a principal components analysis was performed on these variables using direct oblimin as the rotation method.

In order to estimate which factor was more likely to lead people to be single, we estimated the means of each one and placed them in a hierarchical order, starting with the one with the highest mean.

Note that, no item in each factor was reverse scored, and higher means indicated a higher agreement that the factor in question was responsible for leading participants to be single. Using a similar procedure, the four domains were also placed in a hierarchical order. We performed a similar analysis for the four domains. We calculated how many of the participants indicated that they were single due to at least one factor composing the domain.

In order to examine whether participants were single only due to reasons loaded in one domain, or for reasons spread in different domains, we estimated how many participants indicated that they were single in more than one domain i. We found that 5. To put it differently, this finding suggested that all four domains contributed to why 5. We found that In order to identify significant effects of sex and age for each factor, we performed a series of MANCOVAs, where the dependent variables were the reasons composing each factor, and the independent variables were sex and age.

MANCOVA is a statistical test that allows the examination of the effect of a combination of independent variables that are continuous and categorical on a dependent factor, which consists of more than one variable Field, Our analysis has identified 18 different factors, each consisting of several reasons.

Thus, the use of such a test is appropriate for investigating the effect of sex and age on each factor. Overall, 18 tests were performed, and in order to avoid the possibility of alpha inflation, we applied Bonferroni correction in which the alpha was set to 0.

Accordingly, any effect with a p -value of more than 0. The analyses indicated significant sex and age effects for most factors Table 2 ; see also Supplementary Table A in the Supplementary Material. Women indicated that they were more likely than men to be single because of their weight, while men indicated that they were more likely than women to be single because they had not achieved much in life, and thus, they were not desirable as mates, and because their financial situation prevented them from being in a relationship.

The total means were very similar, but there were significant sex differences in this dimension, where reasons such as having fewer obligations and avoiding the responsibilities of a relationship were rated significantly higher by men than women. Women, on the other hand, were more likely than men to indicate that they did not have avenues for meeting available mates. The results are presented in Table 3 , where we can see that significant sex and age effects were found for most domains.

Our analyses indicate that the 92 potential reasons for singlehood in our current sample could be classified into 18 broad factors, with the most common ones being poor flirting skills, willingness to be free, fear of getting hurt, having different priorities, and being too picky. For instance, men were more likely than women to indicate that they were single in order to be free to flirt around, and because they were not into family making; while women were more likely than men to indicate that they were single in order to avoid getting hurt, and because they were not perceiving themselves to be desirable as mates.

Additionally, younger people were more likely to indicate that they were single because they had poor flirting skills, they were not desirable as mates, and because they did not like commitment; whereas older people were more likely to indicate that they were single in order to be freer to do what they have wanted.

These difficulties in flirting could be explained by the mismatch between ancestral and modern conditions: in an ancestral context, where marriages were arranged and mating was forced, flirting skills had a limited effect on the capacity to attract a mate. Regardless of whether people were introverted or had a poor capacity to pick up clues relating to mating interest, it would have made little difference given that most marriages were arranged by parents in that prehistoric context.

Accordingly, selection forces had been weak in shaping good flirting capacity, which is necessary, however, in a modern context where choice is freely exercised. People who scored highly in this domain also appeared to consider themselves to be undesirable as mates, predominantly due to their looks.

The evolutionary mismatch problem is also likely to be at play here. When arranging a marriage, parents have little interest in the looks of their prospective in-laws Apostolou, , and this trait has played little role in predicting success in fights and wars as well.

People ascribed much more importance to the looks of a mate than that of an in-law Perilloux et al. As a consequence, several people who may not have an attractive appearance will likely experience difficulties in their pursuits. The evolutionary mismatches in other aspects of the environment may have also affected mating success. More specifically, recent technological developments have made food readily available to nearly everyone in Western societies.

Food-intake regulation mechanisms have not had time to adjust to these conditions, and thus they still operate as if food is in short supply, resulting in many people becoming obese Breslin, In turn, being overweight might cause difficulties in participating effectively in the mating market, which likely explains why many of our participants have indicated that their weight was a reason for being single.

However, TV, cinema and the Internet are evolutionary novel and as such, people have not yet evolved to remain rooted in reality based on information from these sources. In effect, many mate-seekers, by having their standards for looks and weight determined by information from the media, may start to feel that they are overweight or ugly, thereby demotivating them to look for mates.

One possible reason is that people may have considered a health problem or a disability as something that could compromise their capacity to be effective in the mating market.

Further research and empirical validation will enable us to better understand the processes at play here. Moving on, people might also prefer to be single in order to be free to do the things they have wanted e. Participants have also indicated possible reasons such as being unwilling to make compromises and to undertake the obligations that a relationship will entail, as well as not being interested in having a family.

Within the context of our theoretical framework, this domain is related to the fitness benefits of singlehood. Maintaining an intimate relationship requires the allocation of resources such as time and making compromises such as not having sex with other individuals.

People who are single have fewer obligations and experience fewer compromises on their time in order to advance in their careers. Also, by not committing to a relationship, people may be able to have casual relationships with different partners.

Doing so could enable them to refine their flirting skills, and to gain more mating experience that would enable them to attract better long-term partners. This strategy could be especially profitable for the evolutionary fitness of men, whose reproductive success is strongly correlated with the number of women they could gain sexual access to.

Moreover, by not committing to a relationship and by flirting around, people may get a better sense of the mating market and of their own mate value.

Factors within this domain included having children and having ongoing feelings for their previous partners. Consistent with these findings, an older study has found that, for women, the presence of children from a prior marriage reduced the likelihood of remarriage Buckle et al. One possible reason for these findings is that single people who have children may fear that a prospective partner may harm their own children see Daly and Wilson, , hence resulting in the preference to stay single.

In addition, bad experiences from previous relationships were also reported to prevent people from going into a relationship, as some participants feared that they will get hurt again. The evolutionary mismatch problem is similarly likely to be at play here. Due to evolutionary mismatch, people might not do well in intimate relationships in the modern context and might have accumulated many negative relationship experiences because of that, which in turn could have rendered them less likely to desire engaging in an intimate relationship in the future.

Another reason within this domain is being too picky. This factor can be explained in terms of the fitness benefits of singlehood, as well as the mismatch problem. Prospective partners might vary considerably in their mate value; thus, it could be beneficial for people to avoid entering a relationship with the first available mate, and to stay single until they have found one who matches their own mate value instead.

Nevertheless, because parents have played a huge role in controlling mate choice for their children in ancestral societies, there was an absence of strong selection pressures on the latter with regards to refining adaptations involved in mate choice. Because of that, some individuals might be excessively picky in the contemporary context — they may for instance, overestimate their own mate value and attempt to attract mates who may be significantly beyond their reach, thereby resulting in them remaining single.

Being gay or lesbian could prevent people from being in a relationship because same-sex attraction is associated with a strong social stigma Fone, ; thus, people may prefer to remain reticent about their sexual orientation and be single than to enter in a same-sex or opposite-sex union. Another reason is that, people may live in small cities or villages, where, apart from the constraints of discrimination against such sexual preferences, there are also significantly fewer same-sex options Apostolou et al.

This domain was demonstrated to be one of the least prevalent ones, however, perhaps because prevalence rates of one not being able to have children, having a serious addiction, and being homosexual, respectively, are relatively low in the population.

Sex differences are found in several factors. This outcome reflects the sex differences in terms of mate preferences: men would typically place more value on the looks of a prospective mate, while women would more likely be concerned about the social standing and wealth of a prospective mate Buss, , Accordingly, men and women who do not, or who think that they do not excel in these dimensions are more likely to be demotivated in seeking mates and to stay single as a consequence.

These sex differences are likely accounted for by casual sex being more beneficial for the fitness of men than for women Buss and Schmitt, This difference probably reflects the cultural expectation that men should initiate courtship Buss, , which in turn suggests that difficulties in doing so would have a higher impact on them than on women.

Women, on the other hand, were more likely to report having fewer opportunities to meet available mates. If men are expected to initiate courtship, but face difficulties in doing so for instance, they may be disinclined from flirting with females as a result of their perceived inability , women may, as a consequence, feel that they do not have enough mate options to choose from.

Since your partner is unwilling to compromise -- you morph into someone else to accommodate their needs and subsequently lose vital parts of your identity. You simply aren't ready to make a commitment. You want to take your time to pick a partner who shares similar values and interests -- this will enhance your chances of staying together.

You have a healthy respect for commitment and just haven't met someone you want to make a permanent commitment with. Avoiding marriage before your late 20's and dating a partner for at least two years will reduce your risk of divorce. You're content being single and can't think of enough good reasons to tie the knot.

Having the confidence to take time to understand yourself and choose the right partner is one of the biggest challenges singles face.

A good marriage or partnership is a gift if two people are ready to be accountable to each other and make a commitment. But some people make a life-long commitment out of obligation or because they fear being alone - or worry too much about societal expectations. Congratulate yourself for your decision to withstand the social pressures and expectations to be part of a couple or race down the altar.

When you remind yourself about what you like about yourself and what you are good at, your need for other's approval will fade away and you'll feel more confident in your lifestyle choice. Follow Terry Gaspard on Twitter , Facebook , and movingpastdivorce. News U. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism. Special Projects Highline. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Follow Us. Terms Privacy Policy. Suggest a correction.

Newsletter Sign Up. Singles and divorcees were more active. Single people want to be in better shape to attract a potential mate, and they might be less likely to skip the gymto get home to make dinner together or trading your Saturday morning run for lazing around in bed with your sweetie.

Snuggling is great and all, but if your partner disturbs your sleep because of a sleep disorder, different bedtime or simply tossing and turning all night, it can seriously mess up your sleep. And research shows that people with structured schedules — like consistent meal times, bedtimes and events — have a higher quality of life and higher chances of staving off mental illness.

Think about it: Singles are making their way and thriving in a society that values and celebrates coupled people, DePaulo says. D, associate professor of psychology at Alright College in Pennsylvania. Studies show singles are more attentive to their siblings, parents, friends and neighbors compared to married people, regardless of whether the couple just started dating or have been together for years.